I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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