it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
