Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Are we still banned from the library?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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