I must be too annoying 4 u.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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