I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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