Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
