I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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