I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
