Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
