what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
