My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
