is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this will be a night to untag.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
