so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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