Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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