we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
