Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
