Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
