Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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