i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
