Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Your cock deserves a montage
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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