no, he came in my armpit
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
