We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
