Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
