Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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