Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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