turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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