Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
