He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
