umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drake has all the answers
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
