We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
