I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
