Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
