Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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