1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you never un-have a 4some
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
