That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
