Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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