I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
