How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
