Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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