i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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