The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
