OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
two words: eviction party
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
