i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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