It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
