So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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