Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
