she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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