I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
