Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
