Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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