What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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