Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize