Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
