I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
40s are totally the cure
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
