you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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