I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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