when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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