Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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