dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
