Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
