Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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