Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.