in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you