$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.