It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
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You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?