he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.