Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
