but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i barfeds in our rink
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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