Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
