Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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