Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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