Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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