I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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