I just saw a hot homeless man
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
