I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
