If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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