my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
