how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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