Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
